I decided to make one of these personal journals again because thoughts like these have been passing my mind and I'm struggling with them.
And I know that people struggle with this question eeevery day...
You know, what is beautiful?
Am I beautiful?
Do I need to be beautiful?
During the beginning of this university year, and it's still going on, I've managed to grow slightly tougher and more judgemental towards the personality and thinking of others.
Because many people out there are mean and will want to take advantage of you.
I really don't know the age range of the people who are reading this and the people who are watching me in general xD I am 19 years old (I feel so old, waaah, I was 13-14 when I joined this place xD) and leaving by yourself abroad can toughen you up SO much. I've changed a lot in the UK, and to be honest I'm quite proud of it.
This has made me to also pick the people I want to open my heart to, to show love, respect and caring.
Because, believe me when I say this, not everybody deserves that from you.
If you are a good person by heart, there is only as much as you can offer.
Keep it for the beautiful people.
What is beauty anyway?
Beauty is in the inside.
Being physically attractive is something different.
Someone can be physically attractive, and in the beginning you almost feel instantly in love with them. Whether that's a girl or a boy.
Being attracted to someone from the physical appearance only is lust. The wish to feel them. Just that.
But the true beauty, you find out in the end, comes from the inside.
Looks can help, of course. And I do believe that to really love someone there needs to be a balance between the outside and the inside.
I'm sorry, but I really hate the phrase "Only the inside counts to me". Whoever really believes that, that's limited edition to non-existant, especially nowadays.
For the mind to change into something more than just interest in personality, it needs to have a reaction such as "I really love looking into those eyes/ lips/ arms/ I don't know what your fetish is / etc.
And no, it's not bad to like someone's physical appearance, why should it be?
But if you judge someone from the outside ONLY, oh that is so wrong.
I really believe that's wrong and that many end up in misery because of this.
The combination of physical attractiveness, which varies amongst people (some people like blond hair on their betterhalf, others like black etc), and the personality you adore is what leads to the actual beauty.
There are people I've met that I have considered beautiful initially and now I find out that they are so ugly.
Oh, SO ugly.
The inside can affect the outside so much. It's like the virus of being mean and evil is spreading on the outside and is creating a mask of ugliness and pure unattractiveness.
Beauty varies, beauty is something more internal. The outside is just... pretty. It's attractive. It takes out the animal instict in you, there I said it.
But beauty is something else.
Many people out there are not physically attractive but they are just so beautiful that the things you might not appreciate on the outside are just getting covered up.
I know so many people that I love dearly, some that I have considered to view even romantically, only because they are just so... beautiful.
So beautiful that it makes my day, makes me think that the world might have something better out there.
I don't know how much sense this journal makes.
I hope some will appreciate it because it really comes from my heart to anybody out there who feels insecure, just like I do. And just like everybody else does sometimes.
We are all insecure on some level, it's ok.
You are beautiful on your own way...
Thanks for reading.